Boardania - Tales From The Shed part II

Wednesday - I think!

I had a terrible day yesterday. I'd written 5000 words to my new book and was really feeling inspired, when he had visitors. It was that American guy, who thinks he's some sort of god and his English wife - and she'd brought her red pen with her! I hate that red pen. There was a real look of glee on her face as she worked through my story. That bloody red pen scratching out whole sections and making notes in the margin. If the Marquis de Sade had met her, he would have abandoned the whips and opened a stationary shop instead.

At the end of it, I was so disheartened, that I started again from scratch. There was a time before the shed, when I used to write a couple of full novels every year. Since Mrs. Red Pen turned up, I'm lucky to finish one a year.

The Welshman was also here the other day. You know he actually had the cheek to complain to me about how overworked he was with all the book-signings and special appearances. He even thought it was a pain to have to go to Buckingham Palace to receive MY OBE from the queen! And that floppy hat he keeps wearing! I only worn one once, for a publicity photo, but he never takes the sodding thing off. Doesn't he realise what a pratt he looks like? No, on second thoughts - what a pratt he makes me look like.

I'm allowed to listen to a radio for an hour a day, provided the badgers are all fed and groomed and I've written enough for him. I like to listen to The Archers on the BBC and to see if there's any news of my abduction. Anyway, the other week they interviewed the Welshman about my latest book. I couldn't believe the way he spoke. I do not have a speech impediment! He was pronouncing all his 'Rs' as 'Ws' - I don't do that. I've never done that. Why don't people notice these things? He kept calling the interviewer 'Bwian' for goodness sake and talking about his Gwanny!

They are all supposed to be meeting up in London soon. Gods knows how many of them are in on it. I've seen a few of them so far (I must try and make a list). I'm hoping that while they are away I might be able put my plan into operation. I'm obviously not going to write my plan down here - just in case.

Oh ho! I just heard the back door close...

I'd better get this hidden.